


You’ll Never See What You’ve Done to Me

by faithinthepoor



Series: Glee [8]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-16
Updated: 2013-01-16
Packaged: 2017-11-25 17:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/641365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes places during Hell-O</p>
            </blockquote>





	You’ll Never See What You’ve Done to Me

**Author's Note:**

> In my series this follows [I’m Not That Girl](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640810), [It Sucks to be Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640836), [Kiss Me Goodbye](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640850), [We All Have Sorrow](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640862), [I’m Not Myself Lately](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640884), [I Ain’t the Worst You’ve Ever Seen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640900) and [I Know That I’ve Got Issues](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640908)

Nothing is how it is meant to be. Nothing at all. This really shouldn’t surprise her, after all it is hardly new information, and yet somehow she is shocked. She had foolishly believed that she’d suffered enough and even managed to develop a flicker of hope that things might get better and it seems that she is being punished severely for such hubris. She is no stranger to hubris but it does continue to surprise her how little of it she needs to have nowadays before being struck down. She used to feel she was above everything and everyone. Quinn Fabray was untouchable. That version of her was allowed to be conceited and to wield her power without a care for those that she hurt. She’s not that Quinn anymore but it seems that she will never cease to be punished for the old Quinn’s sins.

She has lost everything she ever was or was going to be and still it’s not enough. None of this should be happening to her – she should be ruling the school, she should be the head cheerleader, she should have the world at her feet and she should be walking over the corpses of mere mortals without a care to their fate. Instead she has been excommunicated from the Cheerios, robbed of her achievements and identity and has been forced to take refuge in the Glee Club. 

Quinn is constantly thankful that the Glee Club is the modern day equivalent of contracting leprosy because at least there’s a chance that it won’t be taken from her. She can’t take back the changes to her social status for she bares her scarlet letter in the form of an ever swelling belly that is like a neon sign announcing to the world that she is tainted. She is unclean. However, there was a brief moment when none of that seemed to matter. When she briefly felt happy. There was even a reminder of the pride she used to feel in her accomplishments. It was small compared with her past victories but at the time it seemed to mean so much more. It made her feel real again and it made her feel brave enough to cross a dangerous line and kiss Rachel Berry. That’s all gone now – the moment, the feeling and Rachel – she lost them all. It seems that pregnancy has turned her fingers into grotesque sausages that can not be trusted to hold onto anything of value.

The hardest thing to accept is that she didn’t even get the chance to mess everything up before it was taken from her. She could accept her loses if they had resulted from her decisions. It’s understandable that even after being forced to come to terms with her new reality of being a slushiee and not a slushier that she’s still not quite ready to be a pregnant teenaged lesbian. Her feelings for Rachel are intense but she’s not sure that they would have triumphed over her doubt and insecurity. It was within her rights to change her mind and decide that, however much she might want things to be different, this was just not something that she could do. She would have hated herself forever but she could have lived with discovering that she was a coward. 

It never occurred to her that Rachel would be the one to ends things before they had even begun. God damn Rachel Berry does not have the right to reject her, Quinn may have fallen far enough to shatter every single bone in her body but there’s no way that she should be lower than Rachel. When she looks back on _that_ day it is still somehow hauntingly perfect. She is sure that something real went on between them and she can’t understand how Rachel could have thrown it all away. 

She’s not claiming that she was picturing happily ever after with Rachel, they are both too young and she’s way too pregnant, it’s not the stuff that fairytales are made of. Still, she had hoped for a little more time together than one make out session that had left her breathless and wanting so much more. Rachel had really seemed to want her but then everyone used to want her before the scandal and the shame. She had thought that Rachel was different but for days afterwards Rachel didn’t look her in the eye and when she finally did she was wearing the botoxed smile of stage performer and a t-shirt firmly announcing that she had changed camps. She wishes she could hate Rachel; she is sure that the little Jewish vampire took the confidence that she gained from Quinn showing interest in her and used it to steal Finn. She has certainly hated people for much smaller crimes. The problem is that it’s hard to hate someone for stealing something that you don’t even really want. She doesn’t want Finn, she wants Rachel and it hurts so much to watch her throw herself at someone else. Someone whose thought processes are barely above those of a coma victim. She is not deluded enough to think that she is a Mensa candidate but Finn is an IQ point above needing to ride the short bus. Rachel deserves someone with more substance. Rachel should be with someone who really loves her. Rachel should be with Quinn. It might just be wishful thinking but she is sure that Rachel is just going through the motions and she is almost certain that there are times that she can feel Rachel’s eyes studying her in Glee Club.

The Rachel situation left her raw and insecure and ripe for Puck’s advances and she really should know better than that, it was those very feelings that got her in trouble in the first place. Now she has a boyfriend with a haircut that looks like a runway and a brain too small to process that pregnant chicks put on weight. She would be insulted by that if she actually cared what he thought. 

She tries to be magnanimous and to wish Rachel happiness with Finn but she can’t fake the feelings required. It may make her a very bad person but she felt no small amount of joy to see Rachel diss Finn so publicly. It also gave her joy to see Rachel dancing around in her tight little outfit looking like a red argyle sock. She can’t understand how the whole world didn’t notice her become transfixed by the sight of Rachel’s ass in that skirt when she bent over. She happens to think Rachel deliberately coordinated that move so that she would be near Quinn at the time. The display was both amusing and dangerous as it gave her false hope. She was going to approach Rachel and try and fix whatever she did wrong but before she had a chance the creep from Vocal Adrenaline muscled in on her territory. Suddenly the whole fucking world wants her girl and Rachel seems to want everyone but her.

She’s hurt and she desperately wants vengeance. She can feel the bile rise in her throat as she drags Puck into the change room so that they might be ‘accidentally’ discovered by Rachel. Puck may be unhappy with her weight gain but he has no complaints about her enlarged breasts and he is attacking them with enthusiasm when Rachel enters. Puck’s hands are on her chest and his lips are on her neck as she locks defiant eyes with Rachel. Rachel takes in the scene and Quinn watches the girl break before her eyes. After the brunette runs from the room she drops her head back against the lockers and tries to pretend that she is not letting Puck touch her. A tear escapes and slowly makes it’s way down her face but Puck doesn’t seem to notice. She wants to feel bad for breaking Rachel’s heart but all she can think is that at least now they are even.


End file.
